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Can the way of communication in Belgium (&Europe) be totally different from Asian way?
Hi all,
Thank you guys for the bits of advice to my question about the financial management of the Westen boyfriend.
As I am a newbie in town, I have had quite a number of cultural shocks. Some even opposite to my previous experience/value. Sometimes, I feel confused whether I am right or wrong doing things in "the Asian ways". I hope you guys could help me learn more about the life here by this/these Q&A. Below is a question of mine about problems with verbal communication.
When my boyfriend and I had arguments (debates, discussion...) that turned out being grumpy, I often chose to silence and speak in the other time (in some hours or days) when the two heads cool down. That is the Asian way. The target of not speaking immediately is to avoid wording sharply; to have time to think "maybe the other person is also right"; or to find my own word to explain my ideas clearer...
My boyfriend completely disagreed with SPEAKING IN THE OTHER TIME. As his explanation, the Westerner always addresses the debates immediately. You can only silence and speak later if you are not correct in the debate AND you still want to find a way to win.
I have tried to explain to him that "speaking with the heated heads is not smart. I need a clear mind to think you might be correct". In the other word, I just need time to understand his ideas.
He did not accept my explanation. He said:
=> when the debate is open later on, his (strong) arguments might have been gone;
=> I might be looking for another way round to speak and win...
My question is:
1. Is it the Western (Belgian) way of communication to speak all immediately like my boyfriend said?
2. If yes, how do they manage the heat of the debate so popularly among citizens?
Anna
This is nothing particular to Western men might as well be the trait of an Asian man. What is this, wanting to 'win' statement - relationships are not about winners and losers, but about being a team. It seems your boyfriend is a bit immature
Communication, especially among couples, is often a challenge. IMO, each couple needs to find a communication style that works for them no matter their country of origin.
For what it's worth, I completely agree with speaking later when heads have cooled. Arguing in the heat of things usually adds to the negativity.
If you both can not agree on a communication style, consider talking to a couple counselor. Having a professional and neutral voice makes the other easier to hear.
The harsh truth is, neither of you seem to be ready to be in a relationship.
If you need to come to a forum board to see if the behavior of a person is correct or not, the real question is, are you mature enough to be in a relationship. And who the hell are we to be telling you if the relationship is it worth a try?
Is like me saying, guys, I have a job offer, but I don't seem to like the values of the company but the pay is good. Should I take the job. Seriously?
You need to evaluate who you are and what values you have, and once you know where you stand, then maybe you'll have a better idea of what you want in a mate.
No, he's just manipulating you. Dump him and move on.
Agree with JBMAC. It's a bit harsh, but very truthful.
Your boyfriend is hiding his poor behavior behind the word "culture." My husband is Belgian and he isn't behaving like this.
If you can't even communicate with each other properly then this will never work.
He, your bf, could care less about changing. You are asking him to change when you offer the idea of therapy or reading an article about communication..........he isn't open to this. You either stay and deal with this or leave and find someone else more compatible.
He is in no shape or form the representation of all Belgian men. This isn't "cultural;" this is your boyfriend's behavior/character.
Think better of yourself and find someone who you can communicate effectively with...........doesn't matter if he is Belgian or Asian.
