Difficult one I know at this time of year.....

Something to consider.

When my own relationship failed, I had to make sure that the divorce was petitioned here first. This achieved two things:

1) The divorce happened here where usually the kids spend alternate weeks with each parent, unlike UK.

2) My partner was unable to relocate with the kids to the UK.

You need proper legal advice before you do anything. Bite the bullet, say nothing and in the New Year get that legal advice and if needs be file for divorce. You don't have to carry it through but it may protect you.

Keep a careful record of everything that happens as regards your partner and the kids.

You could probably benefit from emotional and Financial advice as well as legal advice and from some practical support from any friends or family who may be willing. You may know of the CHS service (Community Help Service). YOu will find it if you Google it.

It may be possible to negotiate to pay the utility bills over a longer period...why not try anyway.

Warm wishes and good luck to you and your family

if you've got financial problems, you're not going to be able to afford Chs. Their rates are really high.

Please think of your kids before yourself.

You cannot be cut off with water.

Check your bill says 4 people or however many in the house. Annual bill if there are 4 shouldn't really be more than about 500 euro, far less than heating, so do check if there is something wrong with the meter by taking readings whilst you're not there, to check you're not leaking water, if you haven't done already.

Hi Roth, at no point do you mention that you are looking for an excuse to end your relationship because, as you say, your main aim is to protect your children from financial worries rather than create them by entering into a legal maelstrom from which noone ends up unscaved. Things are difficult here right now but can you see a future here for yourself and the children. If so, then what you are talking about is a monetary issue and Georgiana is absolutely correct. Say it out loud to the utilities and to your partner and work together to create a sustainable future. Or do as you say. Be selfish and take nethenbob's advice. Put your's and not your family's future first!
My advice would be, don't, absolutely don't say nothing. That is what you are accusing your partner of, after all. Communicate!!

Oh it's Mum. The one and only.

I just offer advice without attacking other posters, unless provoked; I have a right to reply.

You know Roth's exact circumstances? It's not the first time they've posted on this matter and I just offer advice. You can too, but don't get personal, it's not relevant. Impartial, non-judgemental advice is what they seek.

By the way Roth, as posting advice on this forum can be problematic, would you like to meet? themathsguy at hotmail dot com

? ? I have no idea who this person is or why I appear to be being attacked, AGAIN. My apologies Ruth. I answered in good faith but some n--ter appears to have hijacked your question for her/his personal gain.

people like you make me sick, why dont you look for a fulltime job and contribute more to the household then? also I can only assume that your spouse's only mistake is keeping more of the burden on there shoulders than they deserve! as that seems to be your only criticism of them. Oh poor you did this effect your trust issues! and you want to take your spouse's kids away from them! MOVE OUT! GET A JOB! SORT YOUR LIFE OUT!

Mum,

'Be selfish and take nethenbob's advice' implies you think I'm selfish. I do not come on here expecting to be insulted, just to give advice on matters which I have some understanding and knowledge'. I think the poster is called Roth, not Ruth, if that helps in anyway.

Everyone,

I realise this is a sensitive topic but the vitriol it attracts is just plain nastiness. Maybe Joey you know the poster personally, but forums like this are not for getting your own back and point-scoring. If you don't know the poster, how dare you judge. Did you get that nice massage at Gare du Nord btw unless that was a different poster with the same name?

Roth may well be picking up the lion's share of the childcare while his/her partner works full-time. They maybe a complete git, I really don't know. Impartial, non-judgemental advice is called for, not personal attacks. Roth is in what seems a lonely, bad place.

Roth
I am amazed that people are so insensitive as to use your question to vent.
You can phone CHS for free and talk to someone.
Something I find helpful is to do out separate 'mindmaps' on paper of the different parts of any problem.
For example:
Finance - Get the facts straight. Set out all creditors. Set out all assets. Figure out who who you can approach to negotiate or help and what you can do to bring in money.

Relationship: Whats working. What bits need attention. What can I do about it without blaming the other person. What do I need to take responsibility for. How could I start a constructive conversation. When would be good. What is the other person doing right that I can begin with? What might the other person be feeling that I can show I understand?

Kids: What do they need right now? Really? How can they get what they need without spending much money? What is in their interest in terms of Relationship and contact with both parents. What will be the price of any big change?

You know your own questions and your own mindmaps
If you Google the word 'mindmap' you can see examples

1. Talk to spouse. Put a plan together. Stress does strange things to people, and lack of money puts people under stress. If you're going to get through this as a couple/family, you need to do this together.

2. Help might come from CHS, CPAS, ACTIRIS, anywhere really. Keep asking.

3. Beware judgmental answers. They merely show what a bunch of judgemental, narrow minded cretins people can be.

4. Wrong time of year for 4.