Search Q&A
how to help or not to help
A sweet Eastern European immigrant family lives in our neighborhood and our children are in the same class. I have noticed that while their children are always clean, polite, and sweet that their clothes are very worn and their shoes are falling apart. As this Christmas season approaches, I am thinking of being a secret Santa (i.e. dropping off a box of clothes, toys and canned goods) anonymously (my children would not even know). Do you think that this could be offensive or a welcome relief? What would you do in this situation?
Do you always ask the others what to do? If 10 of us tell you to do it and 9 not to do it, what would you choose to do? Do exactly that !!
Yes i think it'll be a very kind gesture!
And to Isabella - There is absolutely no harm in seeking advice. it's called "wisdom of the masses!" What are you some sort of head mistress? telling off a naughty pupil? shame on you.
In this case, it's called lack of initiative. Unless of course NAN is a pupil and needs the head mistress to tell her/him what to do ;-))))
I work in social services and have worked with people of all nationalities. I think your idea is very thoughtful and caring. I am certain that they won't be offended. The world would be a better place if there would be more people like you. This is what the spirit of St Nicolas or Santa Claus is all about. These parents, like all parents, want nothing more than to be able to provide for their children. And these children, like all children, deserve a warm coat and sturdy shoes for the winter. I wish you all the best.
As a parent of three children I would be very offended if someone left clothes at my door (however well intentioned). What I suggest you do is call to them saying that you were giving the items to a friend but the friend indicated that they are not the right size or that they have enough already or something similar, and mention that you do not wish to throw them out and ask whether they may be of any use to them.
Would these clothes be something you have bought specificially (even from a second-hand shop) or clothes that have been worn by your own children? If the latter, with the children in the same class, isn't there a danger that your own kids would recognize their old clothes, or one of their classmates could do so? The amount of teasing and name-calling that would ensue could be really tough on these kids (children can be very cruel and thoughtless).
Might be better just to give cash if you really want to help.
Nan. Reading this thread, I thought at first you were simply naive, and perhaps seeking some attention. Sorry to be blunt, but questions like this are not in the spirit of this forum. I agree with Isabella here. How many people can advise you on the "cultural sensitivites of Eastern Europeans"? I was not going to reply until I read your last reply at 17h41. You dont want to give them money, in case they spend it in a way in which you do not approve! Your may think your intentions are noble, but they come across as patronising and disrespectful. If you wanna really help, just stick some cash in an envelope and send it to them anonymously. You can come back here and tell us you have done it if you want applause. Harsh but true.
Please just go ahead and buy these kids what you can afford and they need! It's pretty obvious to me that many of the people who have responded here know very little about living in poverty. IMHO you are completely correct in not giving cash but whatever you feel the children need the most. About "hand me down" clothes, it is very normal for many, many, many children to wear "hand me downs". For example, even though i can afford to buy new clothes for my children and I usually do, they also wear clothes which we have gotten from people with older children than our own. They have NEVER been teased about this and find it quite normal.
