how to help or not to help

The decision has to be yours and I cannot understand why 'Isabella' pointing that out should give offence.
I think you are offering something very thoughtful but you should be aware that it can be seen as charity and many people would be offended to be considered 'charity cases' and that is irrespective of where they originate from. As Peter suggests, I would certainly try to find an excuse for giving the stuff so that they are able to accept it without feeling offended - stuff passed on to you by a relative but it doesn't fit, or whatever.
And absolutely don't give cash as you will never know whether the kids have benefitted.

It could actually be more fruitful not to do this secretly but to approach the family and offer directly, or find a go-between. That way if you can start a conversation, you might find some mutual benefit, the family might be reluctant if you're not friends to accept donated clothes, whereas if you exchanged something with them, they might be happier. I love getting clothes donated by friends and love donating clothes to friends, but if a stranger offered me clothes donated, I'd probably feel bad about it, as I don't know them and cannot offer anything in return.

Or there is the concept of "paying forward" or whatever it's known by, where you do a good turn to someone you don't really know, like exactly what you suggested you do, and then they do a good turn to someone who might not be you. It's just another expression of trying to live in a humane way and looking after friends, neighbours and strangers, because we all count in creating a harmonious planet.

Whichever way you decide to do it, it's a positive thing. Ignore the negative responses.

I think it is a good and decent gesture and likely to be appreciated. Perhaps Nan, you could have a quiet chat with the Director/ teacher in the school ? They are often more aware of families' circumstances and could give you advice on how to best give your gifts.
Shame more people don't have your generosity.

We have donated clothes to families in eastern europe in the past, and the experience has been nothing but people expressing appreciation for the deed.
If the inspiration to do such a good deed is there, do it and you will not regret it later. Also, your instincts about the money is right on. Initially we were going to donate money, but then we were told by those living in eastern europe that if the money came in, it would be used for other purposes. 5 years later and my mind is still engraved with the smile of one of the children who got a new school outfit from us. Best of luck to you.

"Your may think your intentions are noble, but they come across as patronising and disrespectful."

I agree.

Giving stuff to people is a very delicate matter indeed. They may be grateful. It would surprise me. They are more likely to think "people don't think we can manage on what we have, and therefore we stand out because we are poor. Everyone will be talking about us behind our backs".

That is a horrible position to put a family in.

It's one thing passing on something that your kids have outgrown to friends or family. It's an entirely different matter to anonymously suggest that what they have is "substandard".

Find a better way of helping. Talk to school, or teacher, or even to the family themselves (and DO NOT refer to them as "immigrants")

Although I am from Eastern Europe, I don't claim I know all about the "cultural sensitivites" someone was referring to. However, I think helping people is a good thing to do and it cannot be offensive if done in the right way. Iin Eastern Europe we tend to help our nighbours quite a lot (could be legacy from communism). So it is pretty normal to offer things to your neighbours and be friendly, it is not considered rude or dodgy at all. If you don't know them well, I think the advice given by Peter to say that you got the present for a friend but it did not fit was the best one. That's what I would do and I am from Eastern Europe :)

Your concern for those who are less well off is to be applauded.
I hope those who have tried to be helpful in giving ideas have contributed to a gest which will make little children better off.
I hope you have learned from this exercise that there are many sour negative spirited people on this forum. Happy Christmas.

Agree very much with Peter on how to offer clothes. I personally would not include food. Why not invite the family to a Sunday lunch to celebrate St. Nicholas which would make the children in both families the centre of attention.

Hi nan I often get things from friends, they give them to me if I don't need them I pass them along, its what people do. poor or not.
Why not simply pop round with a box of bits explain that your children are going fast and have some good stuff that you don't need anymore. Say you have no friends who know of anyone who can use them, ask if they know of anyone who might benefit from them. Add please feel free to take anything of use to yourselves first That way your not imply they need them, you are simply asking if they can pass them along. simple
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